Putting aside all the recovery processes, counseling services and the redemption found while downing sauv blanc with your besties, there’s a handy tool to bring you back from those moments where you are feeling the acute heartbreak of the newly single.
It’s called Tinder.
You might have heard Tinder described as the worst of the hook-up culture, the anti-Christ of the online dating scene, and yes, its all that, but it has some real advantages as a lifeline to haul you out of the ‘I’ve been dumped’ abyss.
No lengthy profile required
At the very time you are trawling over the detritus of your relationship, immersed in all the what-if’s and doubting that you have a single grain of inherent lovability, the last thing you need to be trying to do is create an upbeat, well-crafted description of yourself. The newly heartbroken will certainly have the capacity to manage a weekend binge of Orange Is The New Black or Sons of Anarchy, but you can guarantee there is no appetite to try to string together a captivating whimsical advertisement for your attributes.
With Tinder, you can be online in a nano-second with nothing more than your Facebook photos and any vague interests you listed at the time you created that profile.
Faster than you can flip the top off a can of Pringles.
No obvious rejection
With your heart in a very fragile state, what you don’t need now is any kind of rejection, even if it is carefully couched as ‘no thank you, good luck with your search’.
The nature of Tinder means you will be right-swiping like a mad thing which means you’ll never be able to mentally reconcile which of your swipee’s didn’t return the favour. Even if you were anxiously waiting to see if you were a match with someone you swiped about 10 seconds ago, someone else will bob up that distracts you.
At the very time your wounded heart and ego requires it, you will receive a flood of compliments. Some will be the inherent TinderSpam of ‘nice profile pic’ but may range all the way through to several sentences about your inherent attractiveness. Multiply this by the fact that these will be spattering in from multiple swipees and your confidence will soar without even the inconvenience of leaving the couch or having an actual conversation.
Easy access to a frivolous rebound candidate
An essential rite of passage in recovery from heartbreak is the rebound relationship. Whether it becomes a serious fling or lasts about as long as it takes to say the phrase rebound relationship, it’s an essential step on the road to recovery.
This is where the innate flakiness of intentions of many of the Tinder users comes in handy. Not only are you provided a veritable shopping list of potential candidates, but underlying theme of Tinder is that you are less likely to encounter someone who wants you to meet their children and drag you up the aisle. Not impossible, but slightly less likely than some of the other sites.
If there was a twelve step program to recover from being dumped, Tinder would probably be in the top five – somewhere after tearful drive-bys and vodka nights and before forgiveness letters to the ex and the post-heartbreak boot-camp body reinvention.